In Which Our Hero Attempts to Write Poetry, and It All Goes a Bit Pete Tong.

I'm going to write a poem,
It's a poem about __ (blank).
It doesn't have a subject,
So I s'pose it's a bit wank.

I'm pressing on regardless,
As I feel I ought to write,
Though it's rather turning out to be,
A festering pile of __ (blank).

Real and proper poets,
Don't leave gaps where words should be,
Except when gaps are comical,
Like the one up there ^ might be.

If I pretend that was deliberate,
I could be a poet after all,
Except in the last stanza I rhymed 'be' with 'be',
And now I've cunted up my metre,
So it's all gone a bit fail again.

The Call of the Geese

Hello honk I am a geese,
I like to swim in cooking grease.
If you touch my feathered crease,
You'll catch my sexy geese disease.

Ballad of the Nowl

Hello twoot I am a nowl,
For mices I am on the prowl.
All through the night I flap about,
Seeking tasty mices out.
Whate'er the weather, I shall scout,
But if it rains I'll need a towel.

Dux

Hello quack I am a dux,
My silky feathers are deluxe.



... Would you like a fux?

Vulgar Anatomical Ditty, Generously Expoused

A is for anus, the hole in the
Bum, which is B, and is fancied by some.
C is for collarbone, linked to the neck,
D is for duodenum and "Dude, what the heck?"
E is for eyes to see all that is ace,
F is for filtrum, so shush up your face.
G is for gastrointestinal system,
H is for hands used to type out this poem.
I is for intellect, clever and smart,
J is for jodhpurs containing a fart.
K is for keratin, substance of nails,
L is for labia covered in snails.
M is for midriff now I'm mid-way through,
N is for nostrils for smelling a poo.
O's for an orifice I'll leave unnamed,
P is for puppies that cannot be tamed.
Q is for quite a nice fanny or cock,
R is for rubbing it off in a sock.
S is for sternum, the bone of the breast,
T is for toesies, you cannot contest.
U is for very rude understair parts,
V is for vulva where ladywanks start.
W is for willies and fucks up my metre,
X is for xylophone, played by a cheetah.
Y is for "Yakminge, I've drifted off task,"
And Z's for a zebra who's wearing a mask.

Ode to a Hairband

I'm enthusiastic,
Not being sarcastic,
My hair looks fantastic,
All thanks to elastic.