"Banana Sandwiches" - a poem by Comma

Banana sandwich, my dear friend,
No other sandwich can contend,
You ought to be a world-wide trend,
And so this ballad I have penned.

Your sweet caress engulfs my tongue,
The world must hear your praises sung,
From tower and steeple hear it rung:
Banana sandwiches for old and young!

Nutritious with potassium,
Delicious for you and your chum,
Do not resist, you will succumb,
BANANA SANDWICHES FUCKED YOUR MUM.

Lines on the Diet of Children's Art Show Presenters

Tony Hart eats treacle tart,
Neil Buchanan eats rock salmon,
The girl on SMart eats artichoke hearts,
And Morph's friend Chas eats gammon.

This is the knowledge I have gleaned,
From watching craft-based telly,
And I believe with all my heart,
That Morph likes to eat jelly.

Lines on the Temporary Unhappiness of Comma

What were the antics of Comma today?
I asked her this evening but she wouldn't say,
She didn't look right and I fear that she may,
Have had something less than a wonderful day.

The Comma seemed sad, she was not at her best,
She was melancholic, a somberful elf,
I hope that tomorrow she's happier lest,
Our lovely Comma will damage herself.

What were the antics of Comma today?
I can only wonder why she would not say,
I hope and expect that tomorrow she may,
Have at least partly a wonderful day.

In Which our Hero is Plagued by Oral Hardship

"Ow," said the Comma, "my bastarding tooth."
Comma was gaining in wisdom, and also in pain, as her wisdom teeth appeared through the gum. The pain was worsened by Comma's feeling that her new teeth were entirely unnecessary. Comma already had a mouthful of teeth, which was quite enough for anybody, and a headful of wisdom, which suited her purposes quite well.
"These teeth are trespassers," she exclaimed, "growing into my mouth without permission."
Sadly there was nothing that Comma could do. Since teeth were not sentient, trespassing laws did not apply to them.

A Ballad on the Longevity of Birds

A little bird did tweeteth here,
A thousand years ago,
And now the little bird is dead,
And on the world must go.

Another bird sprang up with haste,
To chime the morning air.
And more and more songbirds will sing,
Through every thousanth year.

When all the polar ice caps melt,
And humans all are drown'd,
The little bird will fly away,
Continuing his sound.

Alas it is for flightless birds!
The emu and the 'guin,
As they shall die along with us,
Unlike their flighty twins.

The Plea of the Comma's Diminutive Brethren

Comma, oh Comma, why are you so tall?
Comma, dear Comma, you're big as a wall!
My darling my Comma, please mind you don't fall,
For Comma dear Comma, you'd trample us all!

In Which our Hero Purchases a Shakespearean Tragedy for Very Little Money

Five pence, five pence,
Five pence for Troilus and Cressida.
Five pence, five pence,
Sandwich of mustard and cressida.

Comma skipped along the lane,
Five English pence in her pocket,
Into The Works without disdain,
And her eyes near leaped out of their sockets.

It was five pence, five pence,
Five pence for Troilus and Cressida.
Five pence, five pence,
Sandwich of mustard and cressida!

Comma looked the book about,
Though unfamiliar to her,
A bargain it was without a doubt,
She bought and took it with her.

She paid five pence, five pence,
Five pence for Troilus and Cressida.
Five pence, five pence,
Sandwich of mustard and cressida!

Oh Comma, will you read the play?
"Possibly not at least not very soon."
So why, then Comma, did you purchase the play?
"Because it was cheap, squire... the price made me swoon."

Dear reader you see it was five pence, five pence,
Five pence for Troilus and Cressida,
Five pence, five pence,
Sandwich of mustard and cressida!

The Comma

The humble comma is the loveliest of all the forms of punctuation, at least in written English. Unlike the dogmatic apostrophe, its usage is flexible and allows for creativity. Like any other punctuation mark, it provides clarity if used properly, but it can be used with more panache than many of its brethren. A simple comma dropped into a line causes the text to flow off the page and into not only the reader's eyes but their ears as well. The comma provides audible pauses in written language.
Not only that, but it is subtle too. It doesn't jump around waving its arms in the air like the exclamation mark does. The lovely comma sits politely near the bottom of the line, allowing your eyes to skim over it, but providing an essential service.

If I were a punctuation mark, I would like to be the lovely comma.
Thus, my blog.

I would like to possess the comma's qualities of creativity, flexibility, subtlety and panache.
Alas, our only similarity is loveliness.